Things that I hate:
- Patriarchal beauty standards and the ensuing unrealistic pressure to be thin.
- How fucking fat I am.
Like many of the women I know I have dealt with various casual eating disorder issues. And I hang out with a pretty feminist cackle of rads. Every once in a while we have conversations like:
Lady #1: Well, that was in high school when I was spitting out all of my food after I chewed it…
Lady #2: Oh yeah… I never thought of that one.
Lady #1: You look so good in these pictures.
Lady #2: I know. I was only eating one piece of bread a day.
Lady #1: Ugh… I can never do that anymore.
I know it’s fucked up. I know that this is a way that we keep women in their place. I believe in beauty at all sizes. I believe women are more than their bodies. Just, you know, not me.
And I think the worst part– I mean besides the nagging self-hating voice in my head– is that there is a part of me that knows this is intrinsically tied to my feminism. That I want to be heard, and to make an impact, and to be strong and influential for my movement, and that (write it) if you want to sleep with me you will listen to what I have to say.
Missing the point? Yes. Letting the Patriarchy win? Yeah. But that’s where I am.
Maybe after I lose 20 pounds…
*Picture by Josh Ellingson