Monthly Archives: February 2010

A Little Help

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I am turning 27 in March and have been out of college for almost 5 years now.  Since then I haven’t had insurance of any kind.  I’ve worked a series of hourly waged jobs and have never made more than enough to simply pay my bills and get by.  $200 a month for insurance is simply not in my budget as long as I’m living in a town where rent is this high.  I had my last dentist appointment my senior year in college.  I get my yearly pap smears at Planned Parenthood.  Last June I was convinced I had cancerous symptoms (by WebMD, of course) and had to see a gynecologist.  She gave me a pap, and ran some other tests.  She was concerned that I was “a little cyst-y” and sent me to a specialist for a breast ultrasound.  At the end of it I turned out to be completely healthy, though I apparently have “dense breasts.”  The total cost came close to $600.  Around the same time, my mouth stopped opening because one of my four wisdom teeth was burrowing into my jaw bone and preventing it from doing so.  Having it pulled cost me $300 and I still have three that will eventually need to come out.

In December Mr. Barnes came home with the best news I’d heard all year: his job, at a small but growing company, was going to get employee health insurance, which I, as his wife, would also be entitled to.  I literally cried at this news.  Everything was going to be better.  I was going to go crazy!  Check ups!  Teeth cleanings!  Not worrying about going bankrupt whenever I feel ill!

He received the package information in January.  His new coverage costs him around $50 a month which comes out of his paycheck before taxes.  It covers dental and eye care.  His co-pay is almost nothing. He’s finally going to be able to go to have his bad back looked at and get an updated eye prescription.

In order to cover me it would cost $400 a month.  There is no possible way we could afford that.

I understand the partisan issues that we have to deal with when debating policy.  As pro-choice as I am, I do understand the mindset behind people who disagree with me.  I think the Supreme Court is wrong and stupid to give corporations personhood status and first amendment protections to buy elections, but I know what ideas their decision is based on.  I don’t like the religious political agenda that is currently being pushed in lots of area of our politics, but for the most part I get it.  I get it, I think they’re misguided, but I get it.  But Health Care Reform I. don’t. get.

People are dying.  People across America are fighting for their lives and losing.  They are begging for help and the hand with the life vest is being swatted away.  MILLIONS of people are uninsured. Here in California, Anthem has raised their rates 39%.  And according to the large-scale study of medical bankruptcy by Harvard,

“[Health insurance] didn’t protect 1 million Americans who were financially ruined by illness or medical bills… Most of the medically bankrupt were middle-class homeowners who had been to college and had responsible jobs — until illness struck…three-quarters of the medically bankrupt had health insurance.”

We’ve all heard the stories: loopholes that exempt companies from paying claims, denying legitimate claims to delay payment, preexisting conditions, and co-pays that are still above and beyond what any average person could afford.  The system is so clearly broken.    Americans want reform.  Doctors want reform.  Both groups want a public option. We already accept some forms of socialized health care.  EVERY OTHER industrialized democracy in the world provides health care to all of its citizens.  And we are the richest nation ON EARTH.

I just don’t get it.

Why?  Why is this the issue that Republicans are drawing a line in the sand over– helping Americans stay alive– why is this the issue that has become the ultimate stage for a culture war?   Why are Democrats letting this slip away? What could be less controversial than the idea that in 2010, in America we shouldn’t have to die from pneumonia or go lose our jobs and homes over a broken leg.  Why would anyone think that things will get better if we just let the insurance companies do what they have always done?   TORT reform and opening state boarders for insurance sales will not fix the problem.  Continuing to make the Insurance Industry accountable to no one will not fix the problem.  Starting over won’t fix it. If this is such a “Christian Country” I’d like to know why there isn’t less crying over teaching science in science class and a bit more loving of our neighbors.

People need help.  It’s not crazy and it’s not communist to believe we should help them.  I need help.  And I tired of hearing that helping me would send our country into a never-ending spiral of red-totalitarian-apocalyptic free fall.  A little help.  That’s all we want.  Just a little help.

BBC News

“New Study Finds 45,000 Deaths Annually Linked to Lack of Health Coverage,” Harvard Science

“Sick and Broke,” Washington Post

This Just In

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Oh, haven’t you heard? All women are lying, crazy, wedding-hungry she-beasts who will do anything to attach a “Mrs.” to that name.

That’s right ladies, Daily Mail and UKTV channel “Really” have found you out.  They know all about your dirty tricks to get engaged (like *gasp* asking a man yourself!!!)!   “Underhanded tactics” include threatening to leave them (know what you want from a relationship?  Bitch!), sending themselves flowers (Manipulation?  It’s what we ladies do best!), and, you guessed it, faking/getting pregnant!

Let’s ignore the fact that leaving a relationship/telling someone you will leave a relationship if you are not both on the same page is not a trick, it’s common sense (and neither is proposing yourself), let’s look at the “source” of this “research.”  It’s a channel that is pushing a wedding-centered upcoming season.   Do you think they have other motives to make the whole wedding world seem full of crazy-ass, tulle gobbling, hysterical bridezillas?  I do.

Here are some other interesting “facts” you might want to know:

  • 62% of couples didn’t have sex their wedding night and “tiredness was cited as an excuse by nearly half of brides.”  Because ladies are the sex keepers they need excuses to justify not performing their sacred leg-spreading duties!
  • “Over a quarter of the women questioned said their one regret about their wedding day was their choice of groom.”  Because women are so desperate to get hitched they are manipulating trapping weddingraping getting married to the first interchangeable penis to come along.  They regret it ’cause they probably found one with more money afterward!
  • “Four in ten women said they attached too much importance to the wedding itself rather than a happy start to married life with their partner” Did you get that?  Because women don’t.  They don’t get it.  Because they are weddingwhores.

I feel like this is the grown up equivalent of rainbow parties.  They’re everywhere!  A friend of a friend of a friend totally knows this one girl who put a frozen hot dog covered in her boyfriend’s sperm up her hoo-ha so she could get pregnant and use all his money to buy a gigantic wedding and put Nair in all her bridesmaids shampoos and microwaved his cat to stop him from leaving her (from the backseat of his car one night when he was being followed by a trucker!!!!)!1!1!!!1@#$OHMYGODITSTRUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEE.

Sigh.

Valentines Day Recap

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Barf.  I mean, right?  But let’s face it, anti-Valentines Day tirades are as tired as the stupid holiday itself, so I’ll skip my corporate-infantilizing-women-single-shaming-couple-obliging rant.  It happens, I ignore it, life goes on.  I’d like to talk to you about a far more prevalent Valentines Day, a movie which made the biggest President’s Day weekend opening ever.

I had intended to review it, and yes, I did go with my girlfriend, and yes we did sneak in mini bottles of Jack Daniels.  But even with no expectations of remote depth or insight, and even with a friend to snark to, and even with enough booze to make Two and a Half Men funny, it was painful.  Not Rom Com funny, or bad funny, or even confusing funny, just…boring.

There were so many “story lines” (and yes, I’m being generous), I kept saying, “Oh…that guy’s still in this movie.”  Generally I complain that the women in recent Romantic Comedies are shallow, poorly written crazy people, but VD really unilaterally distributed the pathetic character shells. And finally, whoever penned this beauty had a real chip on her shoulder about Indiana. What’s the deal, Katherine Fugate, you wanna start something with the Crossroads of America?!

Anyway, I get it, it’s Valentines Day so uncreative couples everywhere directed their obligatory date nights towards the thing most clearly marked “spend holiday money.”    But why does this movie have to be so bad?  There’s noting inherently bad about movies centered around love.  Are these stories clichés?  Sure, but so are most genre movies.  And Love Actually is a solid flick.  So why does this watch like someone put a bunch of dumb conflicts in a lottery cage and grabbed a handful.  Then used a mad lib to write the dialogue.  Then asked the most boring human they know to give them the adjectives and verbs.  Quirky brunette has a wacky job to pay her bills but her new man doesn’t get it!   Non-stereotypicaly gay person is gay! A MAN is a romantic!!!! Wha?!

Listen, women don’t just go to Romantic Comedies, but on the other hand, their target audience is women.  And for the last few years a LOT of movies seem to have a one lady requirement, so if women want screen time, they have to journey to this romance wasteland.  We would like to see reflections of ourselves every once in a while, and as evidenced by the awesome Superbowl ads, we are all harpy bitches who force our spineless significant-others to patronize ball-shrinking movies with us.  With all of that, why, oh why can’t someone, somewhere make a movie I can sit through?  I don’t know what’s worse, the sad, insane women-who-can’t-get-laid-because-they’re-SOFUCKINGCRAZY of He’s Just Not That Into You or the bland blandybeigeblandness of everything about VD.

Hollywood, if you’re going to reduce every talented actress in Southern California whose tired of playing tertiary support roles to Romantic Comedies, can you at least give them a script that is…decent?  Other than, the clearly brilliant upon reexamination,  The Proposal.  PLEEEEEEEASE?

Lipstick

Things I Want, , , ,

When you’re married it’s easy to spend all your time with your other couple friends because there’s someone for everyone.  Which everyone knows.  It’s such a cliché it’s probably not even worth mentioning.  I can’t believe I just wasted finger energy typing that sentence, because really no one needs to say that, everyone  in the world of adults is already aware.

So last weekend, in an attempt to tone down my marital lameness, I had girls night (which is accurate because it was me and my friend Hilary, and two people still makes a word plural) and we went to a bar.  I’m never certain why we go to bars, they are loud and expensive and we never talk to other people, and if we do it’s usually me flagging down strange men in a desperate attempt to be an awesome wing-woman while Hilary rolls her eyes at the various boys I attract.    But we do, and part of going to bars is spending hours getting ready and drinking, which is more fun than the going out and probably the real reason we do in the first place.  In said ritual Hilary convinced me to wear red lipstick, which I never do because my bottom lip is gigantic and I feel it will make people say, “hey, look at that girl with the giant lip.”

Friends, it was the best decision I made all night.  Every time I looked in a mirror I thought, who is that dramatically intriguing, vampy lady? I am in love with red lipstick. I am officially in the market for red lipstick.  It’s the little things, you know?

But realistically, when am I actually going to go to a makeup store to find one?  Never, because I don’t go to makeup stores, I reluctantly replace my mascara at CVS when it gets too crusty to apply.  If only some duo of groundbreaking lady-artists would market a lipstick to me, maybe fashion icons and trusted makeup-users raising money for a worthy cause.  But what are the odds of that happening?

And then I opened my internet yesterday, and voila!

Bright and beautiful, holding hands on Good Morning America, Cyndi Lauper and Lady Gaga plead with me to fight AIDS  by buying their lipstick.  How fortuitous!

There’s very little that could make me love Lady Gaga more; I will fight anyone who says her performances and videos (at least the most recent ones) are not art.  Plus she’s smart and introspective, and really doing something no one else is.  But raising awareness about safe sex pretty much enshrined her to me forever.  And well, Cyndi is Cyndi. “I want to be the one to walk in the sun.”  Preach it, sister.

Celebrities speaking up for safe sex, and in particular AIDS, a cause that seems to have become almost passé since the 90′s, is in itself refreshing.  In addition, however, seeing these two women promoting “our jobs as friends to one another” and their “kind of relationship” makes me emotional. We so rarely get to see professional women being…kind to one another, let alone asking for support and accountability among girlfriends.

Anyway, lipstick problem solved!  Go out and get buy your own!  It will make you feel pretty!  It will make you feel proactive!  It will instill a deep confidence and belief in the sisterhood of ladies (or, you know, at least be a conversation starter for your little cousin).

Thanks for being consistently and ever growingly wonderful Gaga and Cyndi.  This lip-blot’s for you.

http://www.maccosmetics.com/whats_new/subcollection.tmpl?CATEGORY_ID=CAT2424

What the internet needs now…

Semantics, , ,

Another blog!  Obvs.

Welcome to the inaugural post of Third Wave Wife, a blog dedicated to exploring the contradictory nature of being a raging, patriarchy-smashing, feminist in an oh so privileged, hetero-normative marriage.

Anyway, let’s kick this thing off with a relevant topic: I hate the word “wife.”  This might seem odd considering my choice of titles.

In general I bristle at the idea of being identified by my marital status and wife, especially, seems to imply faceless women standing behind their men.  Growing up in an extremely religious community it was a badge of honor, but also a finish line; like a first lady, with inherent responsibilities but shielded from any real risk or consequences.  Even when I was fanatically conservative (and I was fanatical) I knew being a wife meant being a support beam; a coat rack with a smart suit dress, a choir director.

The ol’ ball and chain and I are equals.  A unit.  From the beginning we used to say, “you take care of me and I’ll take care of you.”   We are partners.  We split bills.  We go dutch.  We split cat-feeding duties.  I am no man’s “wife.”

Plus it sounds old.  So old.

So, what then?  Partner?  People assume business.  Or gay, and though I have no objections to being thought of as gay, it doesn’t seem honest.  Mate?  Too animal kingdom.  Love?  Too sappy. Lover?  TMI.  Significant Other? I mean, who’s going to say that on a regular basis?  Better half?  Just writing that made me gag.

The thing about labels is that, despite every ex-Midwestern, ironic t-shirt wearing, pseudo-spiritual person’s objections, we need them.  ‘Cause, you know, humans communicate through language.  And we can sit here and explain that, “this is the person with whom my heart is bound by love, a deep spiritual connection, and a legal agreement, but who is also my equal and an individual in her own right with separate but just as important aspirations and dreams,” or you can say, “hey, this is my wife” and we can keep drinking our cheap beers and discussing the merits of Whedon’s Astonishing X Men.   And sometimes we have to take things that have terrible baggage and make them our own.  Like marriage.

So there you go.  I’m embracing “wife.”  It’s ugly and has an ugly past, but things evolve.  I’m reclaiming it.  I’m putting on my wife badge and proudly declaring that I can be happily married and still fight for truth, justice, and the feminist way.   Now, excuse me while I go order delivery, like the selfless, angel of domesticity I am.